


Not So Grave Matters

by spyshoofly



Category: Supernatural, The Venture Bros
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Ficlet, Gen, Implied Character Death, Venture Bros AU, supernatural/venture bros crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 22:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spyshoofly/pseuds/spyshoofly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. "Rusty" Venture is a reluctant (and vaguely incompetent) hunter known as the son of the great Dr. Venture, the brilliant occult scientist who regularly stopped world ending apocalypses until his mysterious death. Rusty carries on his father's work with his two twin sons, often with the aid of the angel Barachiel ("Brock" for short) who keeps annoying Rusty with talk about some apocalyptic nonsense involving his boys. Will Rusty Venture ever catch a break?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not So Grave Matters

The boys hadn't made it inside the vampire nest. Oh sure, they'd made it half way through the cemetery without someone breaking their ankle on a headstone (Hank, Summer '09) or falling into a freshly dug up grave (Dean, last month). 

Dr. Venture, father of the two young men in question, was feeling pretty good about that at least. He wasn't feeling good about showing up fifteen minutes late, nursing a killer hangover, and having to dispatch a vampire that had casually disemboweled both of his sons in the middle of a cemetery. Really, a vampire nest inside a mausoleum? These suckers had been watching way too many teen vampire shows. 

He kicked aside the recently disembodied head of the vampire that had made short work of his two sons, and rubbed his aching, bald head as he slipped his hunting knife back into his hip sheath. He gazed heavenward and tried to quell his annoyance as he pressed his hands together in a poor mockery of pious dignity.

"I pray to Barrr....Barachiel? er...Baaaroooocckkill?" Angels have such stupid names. "Oh, fuck it, Brock, get your ass down here, I've got a situation."

The cool evening air seemed to compress around him, making him feel a little nauseous, and he jumped as he realized the behemoth of a heavenly being was standing almost on top of him. Besides the long, curly blond locks, the man reminded him less of angelic being, and more of an overly muscled, Fabio wanna-be. With the leather and amount of plaid the guy wore, Dr. Venture sometimes wondered if the angel had chosen a fellow hunter for his vessel.

"Yah what's up Do- oh hell, Doc, not again." Brock took a quick step away from the blood pooling on the cracked pavement. 

He shot an exasperated look towards Dr. Venture. "This is the third time this month! The big guy upstairs is gonna start charging for fare."

"Oh fuck you, I don't believe in God. " 

Brock gazed at him blankly, and waved his arm at himself as if to say 'angel standing right in front of you, smart guy'. 

Dr. Venture scoffed and continued, "For all I know, I'm on another acid flashback and you're a Led Zeppelin cover I've been staring at for a week. Just get the boys up and running so we can get this vampire nest and I can be in Reno by Saturday."

"That's a deadly sin...Greed, I think," Brock said, lighting a cigarette.

The angel inhaled and sighed out a stream of smoke. He strode over to the two mangled corpses, leaned down, and with the lit cigarette dangling from lips, he placed an index finger where each of the boys foreheads might be (underneath the bloody pulp, Dr. Venture couldn't really tell at this point). 

Even after having seen the boys come back several times, it always kind of turned Dr Venture's stomach to watch their flesh knit back together. he turned towards the cemetery entrance and popped a few Xanax, courtesy of one Bud Armstrong from Tulsa, Oklahoma. It was a shame they were too late to save the guy from his rugaru mother, but damn did the guy stock some good stuff in his medicine cabinet.

"Hi Brock!" Two youthfully cracking voices chirped in unison. Dr. Venture turned back to see his two sons, body parts properly attached, standing on the pavement with matching dazed expressions.

"Hey boys," Brock said tiredly but with warmth. "how's the hunt going?"

The two brothers started to speak in unison, one with a voice filled with excitement, the other with a trembling, frantic tone.

"Oh Brock you should've seen me, I had this vamp up against the wall-"

"Chains, hundreds of chains -"

"- and then I said, I said 'bite me', but I meant it figuratively, and shoved this machete right through his -"

"- ripping my flesh off, hooks through my skin -"

" - and I almost had him too, but then..."

"- I think I saw Grandpa."

Brock turned a disturbed expression towards Dean, who was staring off into the distance. "Dean, did you go to hell again?"

Dean shook his head, not in disagreement but in order to clear his head of whatever he was thinking. Hank shrugged helplessly for his brother and then noticed his dad. "Hey Pop, when'd you get here?"

Dr Venture gave him a sour look. "Oh don't mind me, just cleaning up after you, like I always do."

"Awe, don't tell me you already cleared out the nest." The boys both shared looks of devastation.

"Uh...nah, wanted you boys to get some more experience," Dr. Venture mumbled, wondering if both the boys were fully aware of their recent deaths. "...Go ahead and knock yourselves out- I mean, get started, I'll be right behind you."

"Awe sweet, thanks. Come on, Dean!" 

The two brothers ran off to investigate the different crypts that lined one side of the cemetery, arguing between them over which one was the right entrance ("Haha, this guy's name is Butts." "Um, that's BEW-tease." "Nerd." ).

Dr. Venture sighed and made to follow them when Brock put a heavy hand on his shoulder to stop him. 

"Hold up Doc, I gotta talk to you about the boys."

"What? They're fine, you did that angel crap, and look, Energizer bunnies are back in business."

"No, it's about the apocalypse. Things are really getting heated in heaven, I think Michael's going to force Hank to be his vessel soon."

"Hank? Why not Dean? He's more of the..." Dr. Venture did a vague, limp wristed wave, "...softer type, isn't that what heaven goes for these days?"

Brock shrugged. "I love the kid, Doc, but Dean's an abomination, what with the hell speak and the jump suits..."

"SPEEDSUITS, Brock. And hey, any real man spends time in hell."

Brock sighed, dropped his cigarette, and ground it under his shoe absently. "That's not the point. The point is... things are gonna come to a head soon, and while Michael's coming for Hank, you'll have Lucifer coming for Dean."

"Oh, great, that's just what I need. Boys are barely out of high school and then strange men want to be up inside them."

The man and angel watched the brothers as the two opened the right mausoleum, slapping each other to get at the lock first.

Brock heaved a world heavy sigh. "I'll see you in Reno."

Dr. Venture turned away disinterestedly, knowing Brock would probably pull a 'Batman' and disappear without getting a response. "Later Brock. Keep me posted on those pedophiles upstairs."

At the sound of one of the boys shouting, "That's not where the heart is, idiot" and "Super run away!" from deep within the crypt, Dr. Venture sighed, unsheathed his own hunting knife and reluctantly walked towards the sounds of snarling and pubescently cracking screams.

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for my best bud's amusement and in honor of the Venture Bros season 5 premiere. This marks the first ficlet I've written in five years. I'm kind of rusty (I mostly write science papers, not fiction), but it was a lot of fun. I'd like to write more, flesh out the back story of the world somewhat, especially how much hunting messed up Rusty's childhood. It's hilarious how easily the two fandoms could merge. Please let me know what you think :)


End file.
